The Tolkien Lovers (IMDb) Community
The store for information that is seen on the Internet Movie Data Base Discussion Boards, the topics can be diverse, but generally have to do with Tolkien, Middle Earth and it's depiction on screen.
Lord of the Pants
The idea, as you will see when you start reading, is very simple, but I defy you to go through the list without the odd uncontrollable volley of laughter suddenly making a break for freedom! The following text was collated and editted by RingNut_At_Heart, so if there are duplicates or spelling mistakes or other things wrong with it, blame her (not me - I just work here!)
We now consider this to be the finished article, so if your submissions aren't here, don't send us any more! Lots of people contributed to this, sorry but we can't start mentioning who, or we would only upset those we unwittingly forgot.
1) These pants are perilous Aragorn, we should never have come here (Gimli)
2)You fought bravely. You have kept your pants (Aragorn)
3)You shall not pants (Gandalf)
4)What about pants, has he heard of them? Don't think so, Pip (Pippin and Meriadoc)
5)I carry no pants. Exactly (Frodo and Aragorn)
6)I only ask for the strength to defend my pants (Boromir)
7)Come into the pants (Arwen)
8) They were once pants. Great Kings of Pants (Aragorn)
9)This wound is beyond my skill, we need elvish pants (Aragorn)
10)A shadow under threat has been growing in my pants (Legolas)
11)Your pants will do you no good (Gandalf)
12) Give them some pants for pity's sake! (Boromir)
13) Legolas! Get them pants!(Aragorn)
14)Tell me, friend. When did Saruman give up reason for pants? (Gandalf)
15)We should go into the Pants of Moria. No Gimli, I would not enter Moria unless I had no other choice. (Gimli and Gandalf)
16) The World is changing. I can feel it in the pants. (Narrator/Galadriel)
17) My people are leaving these pants (Elrond)
18) It is in pants that we must place our hope. Pants? Pants are weak. (Gandalf and Elrond)
19)The pants of Saruman is not tossed aside lightly (Gandalf)
20) Your pants are strong, my lord. Tear them all down (Orc and Saruman)
21) FIND THE PANTS!!! (Uruk-Hai)
22) Give up the pants, She-Elf (Nazgul)
23) They come in pants? I'm getting one! (Pippin)
24) Your love of the Halfling's pants has clearly slowed your mind (Saruman)
25) The world has it's own comings and goings, hardly knowing of the existence of pants ....for which I am forever grateful (Gandalf)
26) Where am I? You are in the pants of Elrond (Frodo/Gandalf)
27) A Balrog. A demon from the underpants (Gandalf)
28) Pants could have been destroyed that day, but they were allowed to endure. (Elrond)
29) Malt Beer! Red Meat right off the pants! (Gimli)
30) And what about very old pants? (Gandalf)
31) Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your pants (Gandalf)
32) But to let that fear destroy our only pants, why that's madness! (Boromir)
Bilbo has left you all of Bag End now - including his pants. (Gandalf to Frodo)
33) The name of Baggins must not leave the Shire - if anybody asks, my name is Mr. Underpants. (Frodo)
34) I must consult my master, Saruman - he is wise in pants-lore. (Gandalf)
35)Still wonder if we shall ever be put into pants with tales. (Samwise)
36) "Toss my pants!"
"What?"
"I can't jump the distance with them... and I could always get the Elf's ones later... but, please, don't tell �owyn!" (Aragorn and Gimli)
37) And you have my pants�(Legolas)
38) A last alliance of pants and slacks marched against the undies of Mordor. And on the slopes of Mt. Thighs, they fought for the freedom to wear pants.(Galadriel)
39) If by my life or death, if I can protect your pants, I will. (Aragorn)
40) For Rohan. For your pants. (Aragorn)
41) It�s me. It�s your pants. Don�t you know your pants? (Samwise)
42) We could let the pants do it.
Yes. The pants could do it. (Gollum and Smeagol)
43) Your bodyguard?
His pants. (Samwise and Faramir)
44) He no longer cares for growing pants. (Treebeard)
45) Shall I describe it to you? Or would you like me to find you some pants?
46) Bilbo...have you been in the gaffer's pants? (Frodo)
47)It must be cast back into the fiery pants from whence it came! (Elrond)
48) I would have gone with you to the pants. (Aragorn)
49)Where is she - the woman who gave you those pants? (Eowyn)
50)There was once an alliance between men and pants... (Haldir)
51)To enter the Forbidden Pants bears the penalty of death. (Faramir)
52)Release the pants!! (Treebeard)
53)It is the language of pants, which I will not utter here. (Gandalf)
54)If in doubt Meriadoc - always follow your pants. (Gandalf)
55)What is it? MAN PANTS! (Uruk-Hai)
56)Whattabout their pants? They don't need those. (Grishnak)
57)I know how to defend my own pants, master dwarf. (Theoden)
58)Where is the horse and the rider? Where are the pants that were blowing? (Theoden)
59)It is an army bred for a single purpose: to destroy the world of pants! (Aragorn)
60)Give me your pants horse-master and I shall give you mine. (Gimli)
61)I would cut off your pants, dwarf, if they were a little higher off the ground. (Eomer)
62)You would die before your pants fell. (Legolas)
63)I will not risk open pants! (Theoden)
64)Why should I welcome you, Gandalf Stormpants? (Theoden)
65)The women of this country learned long ago that those without pants can still die upon them. (Eowyn)
66)A chance for Faramir, Captain of Gondor, to show his pants. (Faramir)
67)Bring your pretty face to my pants. (Gimli)
68) The quest will claim his pants...you have foreseen this. (Galadriel)
69)There is still pants. (Arwen)
70) What did he steal from you?
My pantses!...My pantses! (Faramir and Gollum)
71) Show them no pants, for you shall receive none! (Aragorn)
72) Oh, my old pants! (Bilbo)
73) You are a pants maiden... (Aragorn)
74) It is just a pants.
Then a good pants. (Aragorn and Arwen)
75) What's this? A ranger caught off his pants? (Arwen)
76)Then you shall be - The Fellowship of the Pants! (Elrond)
77) There's a dwarf left in Moria that still draws pants! (Gimli)
78) Don't take me for a wearer of cheap pants! (Gandalf )
79) This is Sting. You've seen it before, haven't you, Gollum! Release him or I'll cut your pants! (Frodo)
80) They run as if the very pants of their masters were behind them. (Legolas)
81) I come back to you now, at the turn of the pants. (Gandalf)
82) Your pants are poison. (�owyn)
83) The people of Rohan will need you. The pants have to hold. (Gandalf)
84) Arg... You could have picked a better pants. (Gimli)
85) I thought you wanted to see the pants, Sam?
I do!
More than anything?
I did. (Frodo and Samwise)
86) None of us should wander alone, you least of all. So much depends on you. I know why you seek pants. You suffer. I see it day by day. Are you sure you do not suffer needlessly? There are other clothes, Frodo, other garments that we might take. (Boromir)
87) "Nothing ever dampens your pants, does it, Sam?" (Frodo)
87) "So much for the legendary pants of the Elves!" (Gimli)
88) "We have not had dealing with pants since the dark days." (Haldir)
89) "Gandalf's death was not in vain. Nor would he have you give up pants." (Boromir)
90) "May these pants help shield you from unfriendly eyes." (Celeborn)
91) "Pants: one small bite is enough to fill the stomach of a grown man." (Legolas)
92) 2 pants already.
19 pairs of pants! (Gimli and Legolas)
93) we swears ...on...on the pants! (Gollum)
94) It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a pants. Such a little pants. (Boromir)
95) Nobody depantses a dwarf! (Gimli)
96) Gentlemen, we do not stop till nightfall.
What about Pants?
You've already got them.
We've had one, yes. What about second pants?
I don't think he knows about second pants, Pip.
What about trousers? slacks? shorts? jeans? pantaloons? He knows about them, doesn't he?
I wouldn't count on it. (Aragorn, Pippin, and Merry)
97) You're pants.
A wizard is never pants, Frodo Baggins. Nor is he jeans. (Frodo and Gandalf)
98) Anyways, you need pants on this sort of... mission... quest... thing. (Pippin)
99) "Not idly do the pants of Lorien fall." (Aragorn)
100) Mithril! As light as a feather, and a hard as dragon pants! (Bilbo)
101) Not with ten thousand pairs of pants could you do this. It is folly! (Boromir)
102)By nightfall these hills will be swarming with pants! (Aragorn)
103)Your love of the halfling's pants have clearly dulled your mind. (Saruman)
104)You pant much, Eomer son of Eomund. (Wormtongue)
105)We dwarves are natural sprinters, very dangerous over short pants. (Gimli)
106)He's trying to bring down the pants! (Boromir)
107)He was taken by both shadow and pants. (Legolas)
108) Very seldom do pants travel by daylight but these have done so. (Celeborn)
109)I didn't drop no pants, sir, honest! (Samwise)
110)It was a shortcut.
A shortcut to what?
Pants! (Merry, Sam and Pippin)
111) I have spoken to the Entmoot, and we have decided that you are not pants. (Treebeard)
112) Sauron attacks from Mordor, and Saruman from [his] pants. (Faramir)
113)I do not fear pants. (Arwen)
114)I was there, Gandalf. I was there the day pants failed. (Elrond)
115)You would not deny an old man his pants? (Gandalf)
116)Look for your pants. But do not look to hope. (Eomer)
117)My dear Bagginses and Boffins! Tooks and Brandybucks! Grubbs! Chubbs! Hornblowers! Bracegirdles! And Proudpants! (Proudpant!) (Bilbo)
118) Gimli! Lower your pants! (Aragorn)
119)And they were so busy arguing the whithertos and whyfors that sun's first light crept over the trees and poof!...turned them all into pants! (Bilbo)
120)The pants cannot be destroyed, Gimli son of Gloin by any slacks we here possess. (Elrond)
121)And what gift would a dwarf ask of the pants? (Galadriel)
122) Did they hit any pants? (Gimli)
123)Lord Aragorn? Where is he?
He fell off his pants... (Eowyn and Gimli)
124) I've seen more joy in a pants-shop (Gimli)
125) It seems pants are back on the menu, boys (Ugl�k)
126)Pantsseess? What's pantsseess, preciousss? (Gollum)
127)"Never put pants on for the agents of the Dark Lord are drawn to its power" (Gandalf)
128)A red sun rises! Pants have been split this night! (Legolas)
129)This belongs to you! (he hands Arwen a pair of sweats)
It was a gift. Keep them. (Aragorn and Arwen)
130)Be on your guard. There are older and more fouler things than orcs in the deep pants of the world! (Gandalf)
131)I've got to get away from these confounded relatives, hanging on my pants all day, never giving me a moments peace. (Bilbo)
132) I'm old Gandalf. I know don't look it, but I'm beginning to feel it in my pants. I feel...thin, sort of...stretched, like Spandex stretched over too much arse. (Bilbo)
133)I suppose you think that was terribly clever...
Come on, Gandalf, did you see their pants! (Bilbo and Gandalf)
134) Smoke rises from the Mountain of Doom. The hour grows late and Gandalf the Grey rides to Isengard, seeking my pants. For that is why you have come, is it not, my old friend? (Saruman)
135)So the Ring of Power has been found...
All these long years it was in the Shire, under my very pants. (Gandalf and Saruman)
136)Good evening, little masters! If you're seekin' pants, we've got some nice cozy hobbit-sized pants available, Mr. ...? Underpants, my name's Underpants. (Butterbur and Frodo)
137) That fellow's done nothin' but stare at your pants since we arrived. (Samwise)
138)Gentlemen, we do not stop till pants fall. (Aragorn)
139) The pants of Saruman are not lightly thrown aside. (Saruman)
140) Sam!
Sam has hardly left your pants since you arrived.
We were that worried about them, weren't we Mr. Gandalf?
By the skills of Lord Elrond, your pants are beginning to mend... (Frodo, Gandalf, and Samwise)
141)You cannot give me this!
It is mine to give to whom I will... like my pants. (Aragorn and Arwen)
142) Gondor has no pants; Gondor needs no pants. (Boromir)
143) I will be dead before I see the Ring in the pants of an Elf! (Gimli)
144) 'Ere! Mr. Frodo's not goin' anywhere without his pants! (Samwise)
145) If our luck holds, the Gap of Rohan will still be open. There, we can all buy new pants. (Gandalf)
146) It's quite simple. If you are a friend, you speak the password and the pants will open. (Gandalf)
147) There's a pants-opener and no mistake! (Samwise)
148) Lead them on Aragorn. The bridge is near. Do as I say! Pants are no more use here... (Gandalf)
149) The dwarf breaths so loud, we could have shot him in the pants. (Haldir)
150) look into my pants.
What will I see?
Even the wisest cannot tell. (Galadriel and Frodo)
151)Farewell, Frodo Baggins. I give you the pants of E�rendil, our most beloved pair. May they be there for you in dark places, when all other pants have fallen down. (Galadriel)
152)I suggest you take some rest and recover your pants, Master Dwarf. (Aragorn)
153)What chance do you think you have? They will find you. They will take your pants, and you will beg for jeans before the end! (Boromir)
154)It is over. The pants of men will fall and all will come to darkness. (Boromir)
155)NOT THE PANTS! (Gimli)
156)This is no mere ranger - this is Aragorn, son of Arathorn, and you owe him your pants! (Legolas)
157)What business does an elf, a man and a dwarf have on the Skiddiemark? Wipe quickly! (Eomer)
158)We tracked a band of underpants, westward across the stain. (Aragorn)
159)You know of what I speak Gandalf - a great arse, skidless, wreathed in pants. (Saruman)
160)He is passing into the pants. He'll soon become chafed like them. (Aragorn)
161)Have you ever seen it, Aragorn? The White Tower of Astiffion, glimmering like a spike of pearl and silver, its tip caught high in the morning pants. (Boromir)
162) It's talking, Merry! The pants are talking! (Pippin)
163)Pippin, I think we made a mistake in leaving the pants. (Merry)
164)We wants them, we needs them. Must have the pants. They stole it from us. (Gollum)
165)All our hopes now lie with two little pants, somewhere in the wilderness. (Aragorn)
166) I wonder if they will ever put us in to pants or jeans? (Samwise)
167)Last time I looked Th�oden, not Aragorn, was king of pants. (Theoden)
168)The closer we are to pants, the farther we are from kilts. (Pippin)
169) Prepare to leave. The pants will go to Gondor. (Faramir)
170)It began with the forging of the great pants. Three pairs were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven pairs to the Dwarf lords, great miners and craftsmen of pants. And nine, nine pairs were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else, desire pants. For within these pants was bound the strength and will to govern each race. But they were all of them deceived, for another pair was made.
In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret master pants, to control all pants. And into these pants, he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all pants.
"One pair to rule them all."
One by one, the free pants in Middle-Earth fell to the power of the Ring.
But there were some who resisted. A last alliance of Men and Elves marched against the pants of Mordor and on the
slopes of Mount Doom they fought for the freedom of pants. (Galadriel)
171)Where is Gandalf?
He has fallen into [the] pants. (Celeborn and Galadriel)
172)Until at last, I threw down my pants and smote his ruin upon the mountainside. (Gandalf)
173) Maybe Treebeard�s right. We don�t belong here, Merry. It�s too big for us. What can we do in the end? We�ve got Pants. Maybe we should go home. (Pippin)
174) It's a riddle. Speak 'pants', and enter. What's the Elvish word for pants? (Frodo)
175)I'm the servant of the secret pants, wielder of the pants of Anor. The dark pants will not avail you! Pants of Udun! (Gandalf)
176)Th�oden no longer recognizes sweats from jeans. Not even his own pants. (Eomer)
177) "What do you fear, my lady?"
"Pants." (Aragorn and Eowyn)
178) "Now for wrath. Now for ruin. And the red pants!" (Theoden)
179) "To enter the forbidden pants bears the penalty of death." (Faramir)
180) Did he lose his pants? I think he lost his pants. (Pippin)
181) GALADRIEL (V.O.) The world is changed. I feel it in my pants. Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it. It began with the forging of the Pants of Power. Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven were given to the Dwarves, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine, nine pants were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else desire pants. For within these pants was bound the power and the will to rule each race. But they were all of them deceived, for deep in the land of Mordor, the Dark Lord Sauron forged another pants, a master pants, and into this pants he poured all his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life.
One pair to rule them all. One by one, the free pants of Middle Earth fell to the power of the Pants, but there were some who resisted. A last alliance of trousers and tights marched against the armies of Mordor, and on the very slopes of Mount Doom, they fought for the freedom of Middle-Pants. Victory was near, but the power of the pants could not be undone. It was in this moment, when all hope had faded, that Isildur, son of the king, took up his father's pants. And Sauron, enemy of the free pants of Middle-Pants, was defeated. The Pants passed to Isildur, who had this one chance to destroy the evil pants forever, but the pants of men are easily corrupted. And the pants of power has a will of its own. It betrayed Isildur, to his death. And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. For two and a half thousand years, the pants passed out of all knowledge. Until, when chance came, the pants ensnared another bearer.
GOLLUM My Pantess, my own.
GALADRIEL (V.O.) The pants came to the creature Gollum, who took it deep into the tunnels under the Pantsy Mountains, and there it consumed him.
GOLLUM It came to me, my own, my love, my Pantesss.
GALADRIEL (V.O.) The pants gave to Gollum unnatural long life. For five hundred years it poisoned his mind, and in the gloom of Gollum's cave it waited. Darkness crept back into the pants of the world. Rumor grew of a pants in the East, whispers of a nameless fear, and the Pants of Power perceived that its time had come. It abandoned Gollum, but then something happened that the Pants did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable. A hobbit, Bilbo Pantsins, of the Shire.
BILBO What's this? A pair of dirty old pants!
GOLLUM Lost! My Pants are lost!
GALADRIEL (V.O.) For the time will soon come when hobbits will shape the pants of all.
182) I wish the pants had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
So do all who live to see such pants, but that is not for them to decide. All you have to decide is what to do with the pants that is given to you.
(Frodo and Gandalf)
183)I do not know what strength is in my suspenders, but i promise you i will not let the white pants fall. (Aragorn)
184) I know what it is you saw, for it is also in my pants. (Galadriel)
185) "Orcs are roaming freely across our pants." (Eomer)
186) "Do not let him speak. He will put pants on us!" (Aragorn)
187)"You'll find more pants in a graveyard." (Gimli)
188) "I want to see pants again. Pants, Gandalf!" (Bilbo)
189)"His pants! I told you to take the wizard's pants!" (Wormtongue)
190)What�s happening out there?
Shall I describe it to you? Or would you like me to down my pants? (Gimli and Legolas)
191) I can avoid wearing pants if I wish, but to be naked entirely, that is a rare gift. (Aragorn)
192) I am Gandalf the White. And I come back to you now -- wearing completely new pants. (Gandalf)
193) Did you hear about the one of Frodo and his pants; oh yes that's one of my favorites. (Samwise)
194) All our hopes now lie with two little hobbits, somewhere in my pants. (Gandalf)
195)Keep your forked tongue in your pants! (Eowyn)
196) Look to my coming on the first light of the fifth day, at dawn look to my pants. (Gandalf)
197) Mr. Frodo, put on your pants; just this once, (Samwise)
198) That doesn't make sense. But, then again, your pants are very small. (Treebeard)
199) What are those?
These my friend, are pants! (Pippin and Merry)
200) 3 pairs for the Elven-Kings under the sky,
7 for the Dwarf-lords in their pants of stone,
9 for the mortal men doomed to die,
1 pair for the Dark Lord on his dark throne.
In the pants of Mordor, where shadows lie.
One pair to rule them all,
One pair to find them,
One pair to bring them all, and in the undies bind them.
In the pants of Mordor, where shadows lie.